ChrisPurchaseseseses

So I am sure most people are feeling festive and are looking forward to Christmas day, Unwrapping presents and being with loved ones, eating good food and pretending you actually care. when all you want to do is fuck someone or wank until you almost feel happy.

                                                                ( cum face)

The new year comes next, where everyone gathers around and thinks that saying they will give up smoking because its a new year it will happen, where saying I wont go back to Barry because he beats me, then it will happen, by saying blah blah blah shove a fist up my unwanted arse.. it will happen.... It wont.. the only way things will happen in a good way for you is by not being an absolute cunt.  Good things do happen to good people, but the reason they are good people, is because they work hard and they are not sat at home relying on others to bring them wealth and happiness.

    ( my dad said today, `it`s like cooking the goose that lays the golden eggs. no idea what he meant )

If you have a Masters in media or you have a 2.1 in lesbian social studies then just fucking do your job and do that shit, be  social with lesbians and tell the world about them. maybe team up with the media dude and make a film.. but for gods sake don't just lick vagina and leave us in the dark.. you studied it you lezbo and film dude you wanna make a mark, you got a masters, it aint gonna happen for you in Tesco dude.

                                    (  T......E.....S ...C...O  )

What I am getting at here is that I fucked up, and I don`t want anyone else to make my mistakes.. I am a fucking good comedian and I am pretty fucking cool as well, I never talk about myself in this way usually. But I have realised that I am not only a person , I am a Product.. and I am the best product ever ...

I have lost the one person i felt that I needed in my life, the person I love more than anything in this world. someone I thought I would be with forever..... but I never realised that the actual person I needed more than anyone was ME.....

Do your thing, be you and if you are lucky enough to have someone with you who wants the same or similar for themselves, BOOOM.. you have it all sorted...
If you don`t, then fuck it. you are amazing and you can do whatever you like in life anyway...  You are what defines you, and you are the key to your success.. fuck everyone else..
I`m going to cry now, in the hope that I get back with my ex and then i will wank probably 3 times tonight, and then a further 4 tomorrow..hahaha its just words. and one day soon i hope to live by them. merry Christmas people.

here is a cat

Ohhhh I almost forgot... A good comedian friend of mine Chris Purchase, in fact he isnt just a good friend , he is the best friend you could ever imagine.he is amazing. this christmas I dedicated the tree to him..  hahah he is a proper legend, very funny and has a lovely penis.... ( so i`ve heard)

Sorrry nobs

So I have been a little quiet on this blog recently. and thats due to me and my Girlfriend breaking up...
I kinda didnt think we would but it was getting very difficult and ended up with us both arguing over nothing.
With my over thinking mind and being a bellend, we decided to end things recently. I am more heart broken than I think I will ever be, as she is amazing in every way.
But... sometimes its how things are.

On an upside to things, I am working alongside the best promotions company in the southwest, and i am also working on a comedy festival... I have great friends and I personally
have a few gigs booked.

For those of you that want to know what happened between me and Emma..if you are friends with us you will have you`re own account.

for those of you that have no idea.. I am the one to blame.

One day we will be together.  But for now one day could be a week, a month, a year or ten years..

I have a unicorn in my garage though